Before you train your dog, read this…

I've been doing this long enough to notice a pattern.

The dog owners who make the fastest progress aren't always the ones who know the most about training. They're the ones who come in with a particular quality, a willingness to look at the whole picture rather than just the behaviour they want to fix.

And the ones who find it hardest? Often they've done the most research. They've read the books, watched the videos, tried the methods. They come in full of information and completely stuck.

I don't say this to be unkind about doing your research. I say it because I think there are a few things that most training content doesn't tell you, things I wish someone had said to me earlier

[because I was the dog mum who had done all the research, read the books, watched the videos and tried the methods]

and things I now say to almost every client I work with.

1. Your dog's behaviour is not a verdict on you.

This one matters more than almost anything else, and it's the thing I see tripping people up most often.

When a dog pulls on the lead, lunges at other dogs, destroys things, won't come back when called, the dog owner almost universally takes it personally. They feel embarrassed, like everyone can see they don't know what they're doing. They feel guilty, like they've failed the dog somehow. They feel frustrated with themselves in a way that goes well beyond the situation.

And that shame, because that's what it is, makes learning almost impossible. For them and for the dog.

Your dog's behaviour tells you about their nervous system, their history, their environment, and their needs. It tells you almost nothing about your worth as a dog owner. The sooner you can separate those two things, the sooner the actual work can begin.

2. Training is the last thing, not the first.

I know that sounds strange coming from a dog trainer. But hear me out.

Before training lands, before a dog can actually take in and act on what you're trying to teach them, certain conditions need to be in place. They need to be rested. They need their baseline needs met, the right amount of exercise, the right kind, enough sleep, a diet that supports their nervous system. They need to feel safe with you and in their environment.

A tired, overwhelmed, or anxious dog cannot learn. The cues don't stick. The sessions feel pointless. And the owner usually concludes that the training isn't working, when actually the conditions for training were never in place to begin with.

This is why I always look at the whole picture first. What does this dog's day actually look like? What are the conditions they're living in? What's their baseline? Because the answers to those questions shape everything that follows.

3. What you do between sessions matters more than the sessions themselves.

An hour with a trainer once a week is not what changes a dog's behaviour. What changes a dog's behaviour is the other 167 hours, the daily interactions, the consistency, the small moments where you either reinforce what you're working on or inadvertently undermine it.

This isn't about being perfect. Nobody is perfect, and perfectionism in dog training leads to paralysis. It's about understanding that the relationship you're building with your dog is a continuous thing, not something that happens in a designated session.

4. Your nervous system is part of the equation.

This is the thing that most traditional dog training completely ignores, and it's the thing I care about most.

Dogs are extraordinarily sensitive to the emotional state of the people they love. The tension in your shoulders before a difficult walk goes straight down the lead. The anxiety you carry into a training session changes what your dog is able to do in it. The frustration that creeps in when something isn't working, they feel that too.

This isn't something to feel guilty about. It's something to work with. Because if your state influences their state, and it does, in both directions, then working on your own regulation is one of the most practical things you can do for your dog.

Before you train your dog, pay attention to what you're bringing to the interaction. Not to judge it. Just to notice it. That noticing is the beginning of something.

5. Progress is not linear.

Good days and bad days are not evidence that something is working or not working. They're evidence that you have a living, feeling animal whose nervous system responds to conditions, and conditions change.

The dog who recalled perfectly on Tuesday and ignored you completely on Thursday is not broken and neither are you. Something was different on Thursday, maybe they were tired, maybe the environment was more stimulating, maybe you were having a difficult day and they felt it. Looking for what was different is always more useful than concluding that the training has failed.

If any of this resonates, if you're somewhere in the middle of it and it feels harder than it should, I'd love to talk.

I work with dogs and their owners across Derby and Burton-on-Trent, and the starting point is always the same: the whole picture, not just the behaviour.

You can find out more at lavendergardenanimalservices.co.uk

Lavender Garden Animal Services - ethical, relationship-based dog training in Derby, Burton-on-Trent and online.